Productive Mourning

I’ll be honest; I’m pretty biased on this one.

Nine years ago I lost a dear friend in a drunk driving accident.  I, like anyone who has lost a loved-one, realize that nothing can bring my friend back to life.  It sucks, it’s tragic, and it’s final.  My friend’s sudden and early death caused untold amounts of pain in the lives of those who knew him, especially in his family.  We all have choices in handling this sort of grief—anger, self-pity, despair, etc.  However, as I’ve watched his family, I’ve learned a lot about productive mourning.  For years his mother has traveled to schools, telling future drivers the story of her son’s death in hopes of sparing other families from similar tragedy.  It’s undoubtedly painful to relive the experience over and over again, but she’s chosen to selflessly use her anguish.  Though her son’s unnecessary death was the result of someone else’s poor choices, she’s chosen to use his memory for the benefit others.  I will never forget her example.

When I moved to Tucson, I met another woman, Jean Gorman, who also epitomizes this process of productive mourning.  Jean’s son Brad Gorman died on September 30, 1999 while training for El Tour de Tucson.  He was hit by a pickup truck, and the uninsured driver was ultimately issued a $66 citation for “unsafe passing.”  In response to his death, Jean and her family founded the Brad Fund, dedicated to “extending bike lanes, educating both cyclists and motorists of their rights on the road, and teaching people of all ages how to share highways and roads as equals.”  Brad’s death was tragic, and his life inspired his family.  Now they work tirelessly to make the streets safer for everyone.

The accident that claimed Brad’s life occurred on Catalina Highway.  As part of their most recent project, Brad’s family generated plans and obtained the necessary permits to build a “Park and Ride” memorial trailhead on this road.  Here, cyclists and others enjoying the mountains would find family-friendly parking, water, picnic tables, and shade.  With everything in place, the building was set to begin when the remaining funds were secured.  As I learned more about this project, I was inspired once again by Jean Gorman’s selfless creativity.  She found a way to remember her son’s life in a project that will benefit an entire community.  There is no hint of self-pity or condemnation in her actions, and there is no desire to enshrine or idolize her son.  It’s as if she deeply knows that our community needs to remember his life and death.  We need to realize that our actions have consequences.  We need to remember the fundamental worth and importance of the people around us.  If we are humble enough to receive her teaching, Jean is teaching us about the people we need to be through this trailhead.

My heart broke this morning when I learned that, after hearing from “several neighbors” regarding this trailhead, the Pima County Board of Supervisors and the Pima County Department of Transportation determined that the site “is no longer being considered for this [trailhead] project.”  Though a meeting had been scheduled to allow more public discussion of this project, it appears that loud voices of opposition prevailed, even before voices of the whole community could be heard.  I literally found myself in tears reading this heartless letter. (The full letter follows this post.)  Sure, I (and many cyclists in Tucson) would love to have water and parking near the base of Mount Lemmon, but a Circle K could accomplish that.  This is much more than an issue of convenience.  By standing in the way of this project, these “neighbors” are stripping a mother, a family, a community of a step in their mourning process.  They are robbing us all of a teaching tool we desperately need.  I doubt any words spoken against this project were intended to throw proverbial salt in the wounds of grieving friends and family, but it is quite unfortunate that those opposed to this trailhead were unable to see beyond their own preferences.

I don’t write with the intention of emotionally manipulating politics and policies.  The last thing I want to do is use the death of a precious person as a trump card in some abstract debate.  Rather, I call us to critical self-examination.  Am I willing to let an untimely death inspire me?  Can I mourn and grieve in ways that positively impact hundreds, even thousands of people?  When changes are proposed for “my” backyard, will I be willing to set my selfishness aside and objectively consider the benefits of a project to a community?

With all of my heart, I hope that a “new alternative location,” will be found and agreed upon soon.  The Tucson community desperately needs the Brad P. Gorman Park and Ride and the inspiration it offers us.